As a cis, white, straight, male (yeah, yeah…) I got thinking the other day, whether I would date (or continue to date) a woman if I found out she was MTF transgendered, pre-op.
I think it’s wrong to make guys feel guilty, for not wanting to have sex with a woman if they do find out that she is transgendered, because it is unfair to force anyone to sleep with anyone, if they don’t want to. I mean isn’t that the essence behind the campaigns to end rape culture? Non consensual sex is wrong, and you’re an asshole if you force anyone to sleep with you against their will?
I don’t see this as that much different. A person has the right to say no to intercourse, at any time they want, and that view is to be respected and taken seriously, no?
Having said that. I begun thinking about this on a personal level, and for me it all boils down to whether or not I feel a connection with a girl, before she reveals herself to be MTF. Admittedly the genitalia will present a problem, because I am not into cocks, because I simply was not born to like cocks, so yes it would present an obstacle. Just like it would be to assume all gay men would be immoral for not wanting to sleep with a man who turns out to be FTM pre-op, because they aren’t into vag, because they were not born to like vag. Both of these would be unfair.
I do think I could work past it, if I enjoyed the company of the other persom, and they made me smile, and that I felt happy around them, then their status as pre-op would become almost insignificant. Because not everything HAS to be about sex. It could just be for the romance, or companionship. But in the case of sex, there are other alternative things you can do (heavy make out session, one way oral/hand job), and you could always work up to the rest slowly. If the woman was a gem, and turns out to be special, I wouldn’t wanna lose her forever over something as small as that. Because objectively speaking, genitals are just genitals, and they don’t define a person, because it’s what underneath that is beautiful.
But initially speaking, not everyone is comfortable with that kind of change instantly. I think you’d be a dick if you made someone feel guilty, for not wanting to get into bed instantly with a set of genitals their own sexuality does not make them comfortable sleeping with. That would make you the asshole, because that would be guilt tripping someone into sleeping you, and it’s those e exact same passive aggressive tactics, that things like rape culture support in the first place.
The key to happiness in this department, is patience and understanding, from both sides.
i’m glad to see that somebody is able to say this in a non-assholeish way instead of being like “ewww, blank kind of genitals are disgusting and i’d never date a trans person!”
No matter where you go, there you are!